Excerpt:
Elliot said, “Ellen, I know that you and Terrence made the kids think that none of them wanted to have anything to do with one another, when that was a lie.”
“Victor and Jossette were too close. They were too young. But what does that have to do with what is going on with Victor?”
“Victor knows what you did but Judy and Stewart do not know.”
“Victor knows? But I don’t understand. Why hasn’t he told Judy and Stewart? Why hasn’t he confronted me and screamed at me and demand he be allowed to see Jossette?”
Novelette: Envy Is A Terrible Thing
By Charles Peters
Copyright 2019
All Rights Reserved
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This story is fiction.
Any resemblance to any real people or places or things is not intentional.
Chapter 5
Ellen and Elliot went up to their bedroom and closed the door. No one else was home so they were alone.
Elliot said, “Ellen, I know that you and Terrence made the kids think that none of them wanted to have anything to do with one another, when that was a lie.”
“Victor and Jossette were too close. They were too young. But what does that have to do with what is going on with Victor?”
“Victor knows what you did but Judy and Stewart do not know.”
“Victor knows? But I don’t understand. Why hasn’t he told Judy and Stewart? Why hasn’t he confronted me and screamed at me and demand he be allowed to see Jossette?”
“Neither Victor nor myself want Stewart and Judy to be upset with you. To be clear, what I am talking about happened two years ago. Victor found out two years ago.”
“Two years ago!” Ellen thought a minute. “Are you saying Victor’s hatred for me and what I did is why he overdosed on the pills and why he tried to kill himself today? What did I do today? He was talking to Jack. I don’t understand what I could have done today that would have caused him to want to drown himself. What did I do?”
“Victor does not hate you. He loves you. As far as I know, you didn’t do anything today to upset Victor.”
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“I am confused. You are saying that I am the problem but Victor doesn’t hate me.”
“I am not saying that you are the problem. Two years ago Terence called me. Jossette was sick and in the hospital. It started with food poisoning but it became something worse. Her vital organs were damaged and began shutting down. When Terence called me, Jossette was dying. Jossette was in the hospital on her death bed and she wanted to see Victor before she died.”
Upset, Ellen exclaimed, “Dying!” Ellen moaned, “And she wanted to see Victor.” Ellen sat down on the bed. “Two years ago. So Jossette is dead. That sweet girl is dead. She died so young. Oh my God. And Victor did not tell me. You did not tell me. She was like a member of this family before I… Oh fuck. Fucking hell. Son of a bitch. Even I hate me. Of course Victor hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. But let me continue.”
Ellen fought back her tears. “Okay. I will try to listen. But this is hard.”
“I know.”
“Before Rachel talked to me and I took her advice to keep the kids apart, Jossette was like a member of this family. I loved Jossette.”
“Rachel Ramsey? Well, never mind that.” Elliot sat down on the bed next to Ellen. He kissed her on the cheek and put his arm around her shoulder to snuggle her close to him. “I am going to continue.”
“Okay.”
“Behind your back I took Victor to see Jossette as she lay dying. They learned what you and Terence had done but neither of them hated either you or Terence. It was not like that. It was about their love for each other.”
Elliot thought back and remembered there did seem to be some argument between Jossette and Rachel. Lawrence, Rachel’s brother and who was Jossette’s father, had scolded Rachel for upsetting Jossette. Elliot shook the memory from his head.
Elliot repeated the point, “Victor’s final moments with Jossette were about their love. There was no hate toward you and Terence.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
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“Jossette and Victor had some time but not much. Then Jossette died in Victor’s arms. He has not been the same since. I never imagined that Victor would be affected like he was. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. Please don’t hate me for going behind your back and doing what I did.”
Ellen turned and kissed her husband on the lips. She hugged him into her arms as he had been hugging her. “It is okay. It would have been awful if Jossette had died without them knowing the truth. I understand.”
“Do you, because I am not sure I do. I think I may have screwed up.”
“No. Terence was right to call you. I may would have screwed up if I had made the decision. It would have been easy to have left Victor not knowing what was happening. But Jossette was Victor’s life at one point. With Terence they became rich together. He needed to know. You did right. I know that in retrospect, but I might not would have known that if I had been the one who had to make the decision at the time. The other decision to pretend ignorance is bliss would have been easier; but wrong. Also, still, you had to have figured that Victor would eventually find out about Jossette.”
“That is true. Back when I was driving Victor to the hospital I never imagined that so few people would know Jossette had died; even two years later.”
“So see, yeah, there really was no choice for you to make.” Ellen considered her words. “You did right to take Victor to the hospital. But I am not sure allowing Victor to grieve alone was the right decision.”
“I would say Victor has grieved for Jossette quite a bit; but that is not exactly right. Anytime he is triggered where he starts to think about her death, something happens. He gets too upset. He does things to shut the memory from his head. Sometimes he will take off running and things like that which helps him to not think about her death.”
“So that is what happened today?”
“Jack Minx had learned about Jossette’s death and wanted to talk to Victor about it, so Victor took off swimming.”
“So see, Victor would have eventually found out about Jossette’s death from someone. If he had not known, he would have found out from Jack Minx today.”
“True.”
“So Victor took off swimming and Jack and Jerry got worried?”
“Exactly. Jerry and Jack got scared because they thought Victor was going to swim out to the middle of the lake and drown. Victor had already turned to swim back toward shore when I got to him.”
“So Victor did not try to kill himself.”
“No. I don’t think he did. He was just trying to fight off the grief that comes over him when the subject of Jossette comes up.”
Ellen asked, “So should I talk to him? Should I let him know that I know? Should we keep this from Stewart and Judy and let them eventually find out from someone else? Jossette was their friend too. They loved Jossette.”
Elliot said, “Jossette’s death is not well known. Her family has not made it widely known. I don’t think we should tell Stewart and Judy. If they find out, then they find out but do you really want it brought out in the open how you kept the kids apart? I think as far as Stewart and Judy are concerned, as long as it can last, ignorance is bliss.”
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Ellen asked, “So what should we do about Victor?”
Elliot said, “Except for events like today, Victor has gotten a lot better. Still, I think it would be a mistake to force him to confront his emotions with Stewart and Judy.”
“What happened today scared Stewart. You rushed off and left him sitting there. And then someone said Victor was swimming to the middle of the lake. Judy and I didn’t really think it was a big deal but figured Victor would turn back toward shore. But Stewart flashed back to when Victor took the overdose of pills. And then he got Judy and me scared. Ellen cried. “It was not good.”
“I know. But I had to take what Jerry told me seriously. My priority was to get the boat to Victor and get Victor out of the water.”
“Of course. But similar to how I made up my mind that I had to make you talk to me about things, Stewart also wants you to explain to him what is going on. He is worried about his brother. He wants to know what is going on with Victor.”
“I understand but let us just wait. Okay. I want Victor to be the one to tell Stewart and Judy. I want him to have reached that point where he can tell them. I think he will reach that point.”
“But we can tell them and make them understand that they can’t talk to Victor about it.”
“When they are told, they will know what you did. Stewart and Jossette’s brother Roger were hurt as well. They were friends.”
“Well, you can’t protect me forever. I did what I did and I can’t undo it. If I could, I would. Maybe Stewart and Roger need to know so that they will start back talking to one another.”
“Do you think Stewart needs Roger more than he needs his mother? Stewart needs you. It is possible that Stewart is going to hate you for the lie. And especially now! He has lost all of his dreams because of his hurt leg. His potential football career is gone. He does not need to feel he can’t trust you. He needs you. He needs your love. He needs your support. He does not need to feel that you kept him from his best friend because you were afraid he was developing homosexual feelings for Roger.”
“I didn’t think that. What I did was because of Victor and Jossette. Rachel Ramsey, Jossette’s Aunt, told me that she was afraid Victor might cause Jossette to become pregnant. So I talked to Terence and we decided we should keep the children apart.”
“Maybe it was just me who worried that Roger and Stewart enjoyed their tackling each other way too much. But it was wrong to keep the kids apart. I wasn’t part of the conspiracy but I was kind of glad that Stewart stopped spending time with Roger. So I share the guilt.”
“We will keep it a secret a little longer while we work on strengthening our relationship with Stewart. But the secret of what I did can’t continue. I fucked up and they need to be told.”
“Okay. And I should not have said what I said. When the time comes, Stewart will forgive you. He will forgive me. Victor did and…”
“I wish I could believe that but I know Stewart is not Victor. No one can accuse Stewart of being a mama’s boy. He may hate me and not because of Roger and his friendship but because of what I did to Victor and Jossette. I know that. Stewart loves Victor and I hurt Victor. I thought I was doing right, but I screwed up.”
Elliot again hugged Ellen. “I love you. Your children love you. It is going to be okay. We just need to take care and take it slowly on how we handle things when Stewart and Judy find out.”
“I still think we need to tell Stewart and Judy.”
“Why? They think Roger and Jossette stopped having anything to do with them by choice. Stewart and Judy probably would not go through what Victor is going through but still, why tell them?”
“For Victor.”
“But Victor can not deal with talking about it. He couldn’t talk about it with Jack who is almost like a brother to him.”
“So we just pretend? I am supposed to pretend that I don’t know Jossette is dead. I want to talk to Victor about what I did and let him know how sorry that I am.”
“Victor has made clear to me that he loves you and he does not blame you. You don’t need to hear Victor forgive you. He forgives you. He loves you.”
“I need to talk to Terence.”
“Why? You have not spoken to her in two years.”
“You are not making this easy for me.”
“Sure I am. I always have. Like Jack said earlier, talking is overrated. He wished he had not tried to talk to Victor about Jossette.”
“Okay. I won’t say anything.” Ellen thought a moment. Ellen asked, “Do you really think Stewart is gay?”
Elliot said, “Do you ever see Stewart look at women the way that Victor looks at women?”
Ellen said, “I hadn’t really noticed. Stewart is a jock. He is masculine. He has dated. I know Victor is straight but if I had to guess which one of our sons is gay I would guess Victor.”
“Stewart has never had a long term girlfriend. But listen, I don’t care if he is straight or gay. I just want him to be happy.” That is what Elliot said and that is what he wanted to think. Still, he knew that he hoped he was wrong and that Stewart was straight.
“I feel the same way. I want all my children to be happy. That is the main thing.” As Ellen said that she thought about the child she had given up for adoption when she was sixteen. Elliot knew nothing about that episode in her life. She guessed there was no reason to ever tell him. She guessed there was no reason to ever talk about it. But sometimes she wondered about that baby and she prayed that she had made the right decision.
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